Thursday, June 26, 2003

And here comes the long weekend and I am going to be soooooooooooo busy. Let me write down a list of things I need to do this long weekend:

1. Nothing.

Hopefully I'll be able to maintain my sanity.
Once again, Sugar CrispS

with the extra S added for effect.


Sweet sweet sugar crisps running through my veins
How I love to ride your crunchy cereal train

Honey-blasted and oh so tasty puffs of wheat
Sugar Crisps make quite the treat

Eaten with milk or right out of hand
They're bestest snack in all the land

Sugar Crisps oh Sugar Crisps
How I love my yummy Sugar Crisps

I love them with milk I love them with tea
I love them I love them and I'm sure they love me

Sugar Crisps oh Sugar Crisps
How'd you get your super duper taste?
Sugar Crisps oh Sugar Crisps
Make me want to stuff them in my face

Eat me a bowl or eat me a box
Eat me them Sugar Crisps and eat me them lots

Sugar Crisps oh Sugar Crisps
I want to eat a Sugar Crisps square
Sugar Crisps oh Sugar Crisps
I want to kill that Sugar Crisps bear

Sugar Crisps oh Sugar Crisps, my most favouritest treat
Sugar Crisps oh Sugar Crisps, they just can't be beat!
ha

Now I'm really getting the porn hits, I love you guys. Now if only I could make you stay for more than 1 second.

harcore lesbians, hardcore asian porn, another teenage tits, and Super sugar crisps have been the most recent searches. I think I'll repost my sugar crisps poem

Tuesday, June 24, 2003

yes!

Finally the day has come where someone hit my site doing a porn search:

Domain Name chartermi.net ? (Network)
IP Address ##.###.##.# (ARIN - Cable Block)
Language Setting English
Operating System Microsoft WinME
Browser Internet Explorer 6.0
Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows 98; Win 9x 4.90; Charter B1)
Time of Visit Jun 24 2003 8:04:21 pm
Last Page View Jun 24 2003 8:04:21 pm
Visit Length 0 seconds
Page Views 1
Referring URL http://search.msn.co...H&v=1&q=teenage+tits
Search Engine: search.msn.com
Search Words: teenage tits

Visit Entry Page http://zero000.blogspot.com/
Visit Exit Page http://zero000.blogspot.com/
Time Zone UTC-5:00
EST - Eastern Standard
EDT - Eastern Daylight Saving Time
Visitor's Time Jun 24 2003 8:04:21 pm

That's all the info, also by visting my site you waive the right to any of your personal info, although just to be safe, I blocked out his IP address.


Searching for teenage tits at 8 pm.
...


ow! my urethra

Wednesday, June 18, 2003

Administration

Just a couple quick notes: If anyone actually visits my site either by accident and actually stays a couple minutes, or if it's someone who knows the address and visits and stays a little while, you should post a comment. Just something general about what you like, what you want to see, what you hate, who you are, that sorta thing, even if the comment doesn't have anything to do with the post. Just click the "comment" thing after whatever post and then put something, anything down. It makes the site more fun for me to read and makes me want to post more. No comments, however, depress me and makes me hate life and not want to post anything EVER. Also, make sure to check out some of my links, and if you want to email me, leave a comment instead, or ask for my email address and I will send it to you. I was thinking of starting up a new hotmail account purely for email related to this site, but I think that would be dangerous for my well being.

I'm reading Jennifer Government by Max Barry, I strongly suggest everyone go get this book and read it, it's new so it might be hard to find at libraries. Mark my words, it WILL be made into a movie at some point in the future.

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

Hm

Well, let me see if I can put MY name down on the site, since I probably am the only living example in the world of a Jesse Beech. I doubt I will show up on google searches though, not as easily as sara howe + sugar crispS/crisp + sex = dangerous....





Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech Jesse Beech

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why are you googling us?

Monday, June 16, 2003

Book List

Here is a list of books/authors that I've been on a mission to find and read, so far I haven't really read any of them. So, this is more for my benefit than for anyone else's, unless people need ideas of good books to read. I'm going to try and post it in some sort of order other than alphabetical, so that the most important books to read are first. I have a star beside the books I've read, which is not many on this list, and the ones with a ~ after are ones that I and you really need to read badly.

Chuck Palahniuk: Survivor*, Fight Club*, Invisible Monsters*, Choke*, Lullaby*, Fugitives and Refugees, Diary*

Douglas Coupland: Shampoo Planet*, Generation X*, Girlfriend in a Coma*, All Families are Psychotic*, Miss Wyoming*, Microserfs, Life After God, Souvenir of Canada (and more)

Amy Hempel: At the Gates of the Animal Kingdom~, Reasons to Live*, Tumble Home, Head, Unleased

Albert Camus: The Stranger~, The Fall, The Plague, A Happy Death, The Rebel, The First Man, Resistance Rebellion and Death, Exile and the Kingdom

Denis Johnson: Jesus' Son~, Fiskadoro, Already Dead: A California Gothic, The Name of the World

Bret Easton Ellis: Glamorama, American Psycho*, The Informers~, Rules of Attraction, Less than Zero

Katie Arnoldi: Chemical Pink~

Katharine Dunn: Geek Love~

Max Barry: Jennifer Government*, Syrup~

Mark Z. Danielewski: House of Leaves*, The Whalestoe Letters



Don DeLillo: Americana~, White Noise*, Underworld, The Body Artist, Mao II, Libra, Players, The Names, Ratner's Star, Running Dog, Endzone, Cosmopolis*

Nick Hornby: High Fidelity~, About a Boy*, Fever Pitch, How to be Good*, Speaking with Angel

Irvine Welsh: Porno~, The Acid House, Filth, Trainspotting, Marabou Stork Nightmares, Ecstacy: Three Tales of Chemical Romance, Glue*

J.G. Ballard: The Atrocity Exhibition~, Crash, Cocaine Nights, etc

Steve Aylett: Atom, Toxicology: Stories, Dummyland, Shamanspace, Slaughtermatic, The Inflatable Volunteer, The Crime Studio, Bigot Hall

Thom Jones: The Pugilist at Rest

Junot Diaz: Drown

JD Salinger: Franny and Zooey*, Catcher in the Rye*












Friday, June 13, 2003

...


Oh yeah, I forgot one, perhaps the most important keyword.......... FREE

That says something right there doesn't it?
Hail to the thief -- Everyone sells out in the end (see also: HOOKER with a PENIS)

I bet if I wrote out every dirty porn word you could think of within the text of my blog, I'd get a ton more visitors. Maybe I should WHORE myself out and put up DIRTY nasty SEX pictures showing HOT NAKED CO EDs or celebrity NUDES or something like that. Yeah, yeah that's the ticket. My ticket to slut town. I will, in fact, become a SLUT myself. Maybe I'll use this as some sort of psychological survey experiment type thing where I will monitor people's tendency to visit porn-related sites based on google search keywords. Sounds like a plan. Although, I'm a little against writing down some of the dirtier words, such as the P word or the C word for female parts, I can write COCK and BALLS and DICK and everything no problem, but that stuff just bugs me. FUCK is another word that sort of bugs me, but I decided to write it down for experimentation's sake. I guess cocknballs and dicks and such would probably not lead to as many hits, as I'd imagine the major demographic for porn-searchers are males between ages of 12 and 60. We'll see, I have some silly little site tracker thing that will tell me how many people searched for HOT ASIAN AMATEURS rather than "monkey shoving chestnuts in man's ass" (see also: "Choke"). You gotta love freedom of expression and lack of censorship. I almost wrote "lack of sensorship", which I guess could possibly make some, if not more, sense on the internet. Otherwise I'd be all *******'ed up (starred up) with censorship.

Anyway, how about those girls on the MTV movie awards named T.A.T.U.? Definitely not real LESBIANS, how they were almost doing each other on stage, and the one girl had HUGE pointy PERKY TITS (for the record, I never use that word....). I think that set any sort of women's movement back that may have existed, oh let's say about a hundred thousand years. Just like the hoards of eminem lookalikes that all CAME on stage to sing will the real slim shady please stand up or whatever the FUCK that song is called, except it was with a hundred million pseudo lesbian girls dressed in SCHOOL GIRL outfits. At first it was kinda HOT, but then after a couple seconds it was entirely excessive and pretty appalling. I mean, real lesbians are never dressed like that, they are not nearly that "hot" (attractive) and they most definitely are not all over each other in public, especially when they are giving an ORAL PERFORMANCE on stage. And where is the token lumberjack lesbian? The man hating lumberjack lesbian? (See also: Chasing Amy). I saw many man-friendly hot BLONDE lesbians, which I have been taught, along with santa claus and the easter BUNNY are "FIGMENTS OF YOUR FUCKING IMAGINATION!!!!!!!!" Gotta love Kevin Smith movies, for the most part. Some kinda sucked though, like Jay and Silent Bob, although that movie was good for its comedic/entertainment face value. But yeah, no man-hating lumberjack lesbians. I think if they were going to say they were lesbians, then they should at least have a representative display for the public. I guess they are a smart smart european band just looking to sell records based on the fact that they would be BISEXUAL at best, and pretending to be super super hot (which I don't even really think they are, but that's supposed to be the general consensus) lesbians that like to do it in public. Check out the site



Hopefully that works. Check out the first picture you see under "during the tour" and check out where the one foot of the girl is! AWFUL. Dear lord, publicity publicity publicity....Not to mention the pictures under "universal". Also two key phrases I copied from the site, without permission:

" Both Lena and Yulia sang in a children’s group “Neposedy”. Yulia had to leave the group after she was accused of “obscene behavior and corrupting other singers”.

The girls came together to the casting that took place on the Mosfilm studio. They were one of the 500 pretenders and were selected independently."


You figure it out.

Enough about those crazy "teenage russian lesbians". I still don't know what TaTu stands for, all I can come up with is TEEN or TEENAGE TITS and ASS and I'm stumped on the U part, and I know that it's not any of those things. It's most likely some other weird non-sexual meaning, but the blatantly sexual one would be my best guess by the image they're portraying. I guess those crazy russian teenage lesbians have SUCKED out all of my energy and ability to write anything, crazy russian teenage lesbians'll do that.

Also, repetition is key

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...

"It's the end of the end of the end...."

Or is it? I decided that I'd post something else, since I seem to have a tiny bit of idle time before my next class. I've also noticed a huge decline in the number of people coming to my site, which directly correlates to the number of new posts I have been putting up. I guess you only get what you give......The New Radicals were right. Whatever happened to them....

So, to anyone who hasn't checked out my links at the left hand side there, make sure to go to "We hope that you Choke", home of author Chuck Palahniuk, who wrote the book "Choke", which is probably my newest favourite novel/author. Douglas Coupland has slipped from the ranks and Palahniuk has taken over. I think you can read huge chunks of his books from the website too.

Oh yeah, if anyone knows of a way where I can post pictures/photos and all that fun stuff in my blog, without having to sign up for some pay-per-month blogger-pro stupid thing, let me know and I'll put some up.

more later

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