Wednesday, January 21, 2004

I hate how everyone, everyone has a cell phone. I know this is nothing new, but it's just starting to really piss me off now. I'm on the bus, and this really dirty vagrant-type woman gets on, pays with all nickels and sits down. She looks like she's in an illegal experiment testing the detrimental effects of exposure to smoke from ten thousand cigarettes a day; her teeth are yellow (black) and missing, skin on her face yellowed and wrinkled, hair crusty matte-finish black (probably used to be blonde) etc. Now, I know there are people in the world with a less-fortunate socioeconomic status than I, and I'm really not making fun of this woman, I'm just trying to paint a very gross and very accurate picture. So she sits near me and she smells like smoke and alcohol and urine and god knows what else, and I'm thinking, besides how awful it must be for this lady, that this poor lady can't even afford new clean clothes from wal-mart, soap and a brush for her hair, and whatever else that would make her at least a bit presentable. So then I hear a phone ringing and she reaches into her dirty jacket and pulls out a phone and starts yapping. I, at this point, crank up the volume on my headphones and move to the back of the bus to stand. So, whatever money she gets from doing I don't even want to know what, she spends on her cellphone plan, cigarettes and booze. At least she can afford that oh-so-necessary cell phone, and kill herself from all angles (brain tumour, lung cancer, liver malfunction, etc).

Cell phones interrupt my classes at least once or twice a week. And it's not just the regular cell phone ringing, no no no, it's this stupid downloaded-from-the-internet numerical keypad tone version of fur elise or a digitized version of "50 cent's" newest single. Cell phones ring in the movies after they display a message saying turn all pagers and cell phones off and after the guy asks that will everyone please turn their cell phones off. Cell phones interrupt my exams, at the beginnging, middle and end of my exams even though people are told to shut their phones off AND anyone who is calling the cell phone should know that the person might have an exam at any point between the ONLY exam hours of 9-12, 2-5 or 7-10 yet they STILL CALL at 10:30, 3:45, 9:25.

I hate this. I hate how all the janitors at my university have cellphones, how my dad has a cell phone and my mom calls him to harrass him (which is actually kinda funny -- he wishes he didn't have to have a cellphone), how every asian (and I'm not racist, try living in waterloo and going to UofW for 4+ years and see what YOU think of the asian cults) every asian in their "tricked out" accuras or civics have a cell phone (very very small ones), how 12 year old white-as-Snow (the singer and the falling-from-the-sky variety) punk kids dressed in blue crushed velvet jumpers with their hats purposely crooked off to one side and LOUDLY answers their fur elise-ringing phones as 'sup dog, yo i dunno man, ya man, sure homes, yup, k, peace. A cell phone just rang here in the computer lab, swear to god.

I hope everyone like that gets brain cancer and dies and me and all the other cell phone haters are the only ones left alive. Ok maybe not dies (still brain cancer), but maybe everyone's cell phones will all simultaneously malfunction with some huge satellite-asteriod/quake-wrecking-cell phone-radiotowers catastrophe causing a worldwide cell phone meltdown and all non-landline communication is wiped out. Then, heaven forbid, people would have to wait until they got home to make/receive a call.

I also hate when cell phones are priced at "zero dollars" meaning, 'sure the phone is "free", but we're going to fuck you up the ass with the calling plan you have to sign up for'.

Stupid cell phones. My one ex bought me a cell phone for christmas, stupid ex. Anyone that really knew me would know that a) a cell phone is probably the worst present EVER and b) that the fact that my girlfriend gives me a cell phone for xmas is another thing I would not only hate but take as a terrible sign in our relationship (i.e. she needs to keep tabs on me). Ok I have a lab to do, I gotta go. Hopefully someone will get a phone call on their cell phone during the lab and screw up their experiment.

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