Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The blackened dreams drip dark streams of smeared scenes in my brain and my mind.
No images survive the time; the seconds before I awake I'm blind.
The thoughts never come, the feelings are numb, and everything I do comes undone.
Everything's in slow motion and I haven't the slightest notion of where I'm going, or if my blood's still flowing.
Stuck in a pit, sinking out of air and starting not to care, the narrowing walls are more than I can bear.
Falling slowly again into a restful bliss, the world I will not miss and my absence it won't notice. But I won't be gone, at least not too long.

Sleep, saviour, torture, temporary escape. If only we could sleep forever, together, for never.

I am not me, I am not you and all of the 'yous' are not you and nothing is what it seems. I don't have disturbing dreams. I may have a split personality. I'm only somewhat aware that it exists, not cognizant of who or what he or she is, and some blog entries I see written on here sometimes appear foreign and baffling to me as though I've never seen them before. I'm slowly gaining consciousness and full control of both halves of the whole.

Electricity sparks through my prescription drug-addled brain, medication supposedly used to quell the pain.
Yet it still breaks through the shield, the cozy terms like "blanket" they use to describe how the medication is supposed to make me feel.
How they act on my mind keeping it smothered, ensuring the crippling migraine pain is undercover.

I turn lifeless. I have no feelings. My world moves in slow motion, literally and figuratively, and I have a pair of DJ-sized headphones on that cover my ears completely. I act out of unconscious instinct most of the time and I'm pretty sure my consciousness is at a level of 75% effectiveness when it should be at full potential. Wake up. Put on a happy face.

i am a robot. you are a hurricane. we don't always see eye to eye. giggling laughter. passion. destruction. risk. pain. love. sex. music. conversation. comfortable silence. slow dancing. soulmates and guardian angels. you will be my muse. i will be your storyteller.

one day


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